Sep 15, 2010

Adventure Quest

This is going to be short and sweet. Stay away from Adventure Quest! I'm in awe that they're charging for this as it's barely passable as free.

qrcodeIn this game you're an adventurer. You start at home and get to create a customized character with stats like a name and... well, that's it... a name. You then choose to visit one of six locations of varying difficulty. In each of these locations monsters apparently are all waiting in a nice, orderly line to fight you one at a time. You fight until your health gets low enough and you have to consume a potion. If you're out of potions you flee... although you want some buffer as fleeing is not automatic. When you flee you return home where apparently you have an infinite supply of potions. You grab a few more and it's off again until you level up or die... of boredom.

I checked for a definition of 'adventure' and 'quest' and this is neither. Oh, how I want to come up with cleverer ways to insult this game now that it's insulted me by wasting my time. At least I still have time to get a refund. 1/5 stars. And I think I might have been a bit too sweet.


  1. How apropos! Just today Mental Floss featured a Quick 10 article about movies that Roger Ebert hated. Reading reviews of movies he enjoys, I often forget just how clever he can be when it comes to insulting a bad movie! The article can be found here:

    Some of my favorite digs:

    After Ebert gave "The Brown Bunny" zero stars, the director decided to get personal and call him fat. Ebert responded with, “It is true that I am fat, but one day I will be thin, and he will still be the director of "The Brown Bunny."”

    And when describing how boring "Mad Dog Time" was, he gives the following analogy, "...watching “Mad Dog Time” is like waiting for the bus in a city where you’re not sure they have a bus line...“Mad Dog Time” should be cut into free ukulele picks for the poor."

    Ebert has officially inspired me to be more creative with my insults and trash talk!

  2. I think the interesting thing about writing a negative review is that it hurts. Back when I was a student I though teachers loved to give out the bad grades for entertainment purposes. When I became a teacher (or TA, actually) I realized grading stuff was both terribly boring and was real work. I'll take the pleasure of reporting a hidden gem over the pain of having to ensure people steer clear of a bad game any day. I guess I can be grateful that I didn't have to sit through 2 and a half hours of this game, though :-)